Truffle Shuffle

Day 8 – January 8, 2010

Friday Weigh-in
Starting: 330.5
Current: 225.6
Change: -4.9
Total: -4.9

I weighed myself first thing in the morning. I've lost 4.9 lbs. since I've started this journey not too long ago. I am pleased with this amount while keeping in mind that it may be water, muscle and other changes that have contributed. I'm still working hard and I'm planning to continue to lose weight slowly but surely.

I have been exercising pretty steadily all week. On Thursday morning I walked all the way from 9 Mile to 10 Mile Road which I assume is about 1 mile each way. That means that I'm up to walking about 2 miles which isn't bad for just starting out. I didn't walk today because it snowed so much and I don't think I'd be able to make it over all the treacherous snowy sidewalks. I did shovel snow which I feel would have burned several calories and I did some work around the house.

It's difficult to walk outside in the snow and cold but I don't what my other options are. I could walk at a mall but it's far away and then I'd be a “mall walker”. Ewww. I could also join a gym but I'd still have to drive there and pay to use the gym. For now I think I'll just walk outside so I can enjoy the fresh air and see the new neighborhood.

I think gyms are really weird places. It seems to be like fat people don't go to gyms and only skinny people go. I've never been to a gym that I really liked or felt comfortable in. It's strange to work out in front of a bunch of other people. Also, I am always comparing myself to others and I convince myself that I'm not working out right, fast enough, hard enough. I talk myself into believing that I don't belong at the gym and that everyone is judging me. If I don't feel comfortable then I really can't work out and then normally I don't go back.

You may think that my beliefs are crazy, and they are a little, but my beliefs are not unfounded. When I lived in Royal Oak, I tried walking every day and I walked every day for a couple of weeks. Every day I would shuffle down the street someone in a car driving by would yell something out the window making fun of me or my weight. As far as I know it wasn't the same person because the cars were different. It would happen every single day. And it's not just Royal Oak. The same thing has happened to me in Toledo and Brooklyn when walking around the neighborhood.

It's hard enough to be fat. It's almost unbearable when you're so fat that people yell obscenities out the window at you when you drive by. Or at least I thought. I try to remind myself that it's not me it's them. The world is full of assholes and the same people would probably yell at someone in a wheelchair or say a racial slur or would kick a puppy. The fact is that I am more likely to have someone yell out the window at me on the sidewalk than sitting at home watching TV. Also, why do I care what those people think of me? People who yell obscenities and insults out of their car windows are clearly not my type of people. In a way, they deserve my pity. I feel bad that their life is so empty that they have to drive around and insult fat people.

As I think about the insults and the assaults, the more angry I become. In fact, I wish my weight was more offensive or aggressive. I wish that every time you looked at me you would feel at once all the pain, all the sadness, all at once. Then maybe you would think twice about making fun of me. Perhaps, you would understand how hard it is to bend over and lace up my sneakers and walk out the front door, especially knowing the emotional lashings I may be risking. You will know how brave I am to wake up every day and face a world that says that I'm too big or not attractive; I don't fit the mold. You will see that I am a courageous person just for getting up in the morning and being myself. You will learn that I'm a hero in my own right.

I've felt too sorry for myself for too long. I have a right to live in this world as much as anyone else. Now, it's your turn to feel bad because if you don't like the looks of me, that's your problem. From now on my fat is in your face and you have to deal with it. If you don't want to see fat people jiggling down the street then I suggest you stay home. This world is not for the faint of heart, and I'm not afraid to take up my space anymore.