The time between meeting and finally leaving is sometimes called falling in love

It's been a while since I've visited. Where did I leave off? Graduation? Perhaps.

This last weekend I went to Nashville. It was really fun. I stayed with my sister who just moved there. She lives right now the road from the Saturn Plant where my car was built. There is a sticker that says so on my car. She also lives right down the road from Civil War Battlegrounds, Plantations, Country-Western Music Sensations and Tennessee Titans.

I was amazed at how cosmopolitan Nashville is. I expected a "southern" city, but it wasn't like I expected at all. It had many of the attributes that one would expect from the south. However, most of the people didn't seems like rednecks or hicks, and surprisingly there was a large mix of very different people. Nashville is known for country music, but at Second and Broadway, where the bars are located downtown, there is a bar for everyone. It really is Music City.

The weather was beautiful and we drove around in the convertible all day with the top down. I made them take me all over. We saw the Capital, centenial mall and the parthenon, Opryland, the Grand Ole Opry, Polk's Grave, Andrew Jackson's homestead and grave, all kinds of shops and bars and restaurants. It was a great time. I wouldn't mind living there if given the chance.

Tomorrow I'm moving in with my boss. It should be interesting.

I'm also studying for the bar. It's not fun, but it's not going badly. I have a lot of studying to do, but I'm sure that I'll get it done. I will pass the bar in July. I just need to work hard and do it.

This June I'm also going to San Francisco with Jeff for San Francisco Pride. I'm a little scared that I've been taking so many trips, but I think I deserve it. I really need to make sure I study, but I know that I won't all the time anyway. This is the perfect time for me to go.

Oh, I did go out for Beckie's birthday to this cool bar in Mt. Clemens called Madisons. I really liked it and would like to go back.

Lately, I've been thinking about moving. I wish I had someone to move with me, but that won't happen. I thought I might be content in Michigan but I beginning to think that's not true. I barely talk to anyone anymore. I would probably really only miss 2 or 3 friends if I did move and that's kind of sad. I thought a lot about moving today and it wouldn't be for a while, but I think I might try in the next year or so if I don't get stuck.

I feel a lot of guilt for wanting to move. I will feel guilty if my dad gets sick and dies. I feel guilty leaving my mom to take care of my dad or all alone. Bottom Line: I'm a guilty person.

Well, I've pretty much narrowed it down to Seattle. I'd like to live in the Puget Sound area I think. It is the best environment for me I think. So if I move it will be somewhere in Western Washington.

Oh, this just reinforces my need for large quantities of therapy/counselling/electro-shock therapy. I have too much in my head to sort it all out.

By the way, my mass quantities of suitors have vanished with the spring air. It's ok. I didn't see any potential really, but it was flattering for a while. My friend Jeremy told me today that he's in the process of getting a divorce right now. He's also moving up to Michigan Tech. I pray that he does well in this difficult time.

I wish that could make sense of my thoughts. Sometimes I think I found the perfect person that I want to spend the rest of my life with, but there is absolutely no physical attraction. When there is physical attraction, I don't want to be around the person for any longer than necessary. It's bizzare. More reinforcement that I need about a years worth of therapy.

Beckie is reading this book about finding the wild hairy man at the bottom of a lake and getting your golden bauble from him, but to do so you need to get the key back from your mother. It all sounds very confusing to me. It makes me wonder if I have a hairy wild man in me. I feel dissonant in some ways. Is this due to a conflict between my hairy wild man and my refined renaissance man? Is there a struggle in me between who I am biologically and who I feel like I should be? It's all too much.

I guess that's all for now. I should sleep but I'm wide awake. That's the story of my life though.

So what happens now? Another suitcase in another hall, take your picture off another wall. Where am I going to? You'll get by you always have before. Where am I going to? Don't ask anymore....