Something to Blog About

A Year in Redrew

So, I have gone out with several guys this year and they were all named Andrew, Drew or Andy. I'm serious. It was like 5 at least. Sadly I have had little contact since then. There was also one Grant, a Jeff and few who I can't remember their names. Oh, and I got hit on by a sixty year old that wanted to cuddle.


About A Boy

I watched the movie "About A Boy" on Christmas Day. It's such a good movie. The phrase "no man is an island" was stated. And I think this year has made me realize that no man is an island. You can't go through this world alone. It's just unworkable. You need others. You need backups. I think that's true more than ever. 2005 was all about me being let down. I had a lot of disappointment, and frankly a very difficult year. 2006 was all about me coping with the after-math of 2005 and now I realized that I pushed (almost) everyone away. My defense was isolation and slash and burn. I hid myself from the world and I pushed everyone away. I think I've lost more friends this year or I've lost contact with the most friends in my entire life. And that's sad. Somehow I went for months without talking to the people who are closest to me. And some even longer. I was at the point where I couldn't even tolerate people for five minutes. Now I know, it wasn't them, it was me. I was the one with the anger. I was the one with the sadness. Only I can fix it. Even though we're all connected and we have to rely on each other, ultimately my emotions are not pinned on anyone else. Only I can change that.

So now I need to swallow my pride, break down some walls, and reach out to people. Because I need to fix what I've broken. Or at least make sense out of everything for everyone involved. This sound cryptic, but I feel I've had the same problems with almost everyone for a long time even if it manifested itself in different ways.

Part of this means getting the help I need. I think i'm going to ask the doctor for medicine because I can't handle the stress of life right now. I should also see a therapist, even though I dread it. But I need help and I need people.

I'm not a rock, I'm not an island, and I can't do this alone. A friend posed the question of whether one is a main character or a supporting character. I have imagined myself as a one-man show, off-off-off Broadway. Maybe I should move into the role of ensemble dramedy.


Working Hard for the Money

One positive (and a big one) is that I LOVE what I do. I love law and law love me too. Ok. maybe not. I started at the Public Defender on January 3, 2006 and it's been the most amazing job I've ever had. I love it. I really do. I also loved my clerking job to a certain extent. Both annoyed me somewhat but I'm still willing to go back for more. I'm so excited about becoming a real attorney. I never would have though I'd be a lawyer. And I never would have thought I would love a job so much. I'm just so happy that I'm going in this direction. Now, I just need to make the money I want and I'm set!


Health

I found out yesterday that a common problem with heart transplant is that the arteries can narrow eventually leading to another heart transplant. I'm so sick and tired of everyone being sick and tired. When can we all be healthy at one time? I guess I have no control over this. I just want to be able to accept it, as best I can.


What I want the most this year is to be happy. Truly happy. And most importantly happy with myself. I don't know why I'm so hard on myself all the time. Maybe it's a habit like anything else. Well, I hope 2007 is better than last year.


Age of Librarians

This is my 2006 Overview from astrology.yahoo.com

"Home and family will keep you happily content and quite busy as the year begins -- straight through mid-March, at least. And you'll enjoy more than a bit of excitement in the romance department too, whether you're single or attached. The past few years have demanded that you learn to live with all kinds of surprises, so at this point, you're prepared to handle just about anything -- surprising you will be no easy task. Still, a set of eclipses in March could coincide with a rather startling discovery: A partner you trusted just about implicitly may not be handling their end of a joint financial situation with integrity. If that's the case, immediately take back any credit cards you're even partially responsible for -- and the checkbook too. Regardless of your financial situation at that time, you need to watch your finances like a hawk -- and that goes double for late November and December.

Just to make things even more interesting, there may be a bit of mystery and intrigue in your life around those same times, and a secret relationship could even surface. That doesn't mean you'll necessarily be involved -- not directly, anyway -- but you'll certainly be privy to quite a few tasty details, like it or not. You may quickly decide that it's time to let all parties concerned know exactly what's been going on, but it will likely take a while for you to build up the resolve to talk about the situation. Just be sure to do what you'd want others to do for you. Tell the person who's confided in you that you don't feel comfortable keeping their secret, and give them the chance to clear the air first.

Even with all these serious situations brewing around you, you'll have nothing to worry about. A pack of humorous and sociable energies will arrive in time to make November and December -- not to mention much of early 2007 -- a happy, prosperous time for you. You definitely have some cleaning house to do this year, and some of it may not be fun. But your determination to make positive changes and meet your goals (no matter how tough it is) will propel you through the process. Once it's over -- and it will fly by -- you'll have made a giant step toward a positive future, starting with a solid approach to 2007."