Jingle Bell Blog

'Tis the Season...for strange happening.

First, a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend announced she had a miscarriage in a MySpace bulletin, entitled "Miscarriage". What has this world become?

Second, I don't know why but whenever I go into a store I have to get something off the top shelf for someone. It could be anyone, but it's mostly women and they are mostly older, but I've helped a range of people.

The other day I was walking through the store and a woman asked me which cranberry juice was on sale. She was older and had an eastern european accent. In additon she was five feet tall. Since I have worked at grocery stores I told her all Ocean Spray was on sale. She then asked which had less sugar. I told her the Light has less sugar but splenda. I then compared the grams of sugar to each. I told her the regular has more sugar. She then explained she had diabetes and said, "so I should get the regular, right?" I was like, umm I don't know about diabetes and I'm not a doctor. What if I say yes to get her to go away and she drinks the whole bottle and goes into shock? What if I say no, and I'm wrong and she has some weird splenda allergy and dies? So I told her probably the light and then ran away.

While walking through Meijer the other day, I was talking on the phone and cutting across health and beauty. I had just left work and was wearing a suit. This woman stopped me (while I was still on the phone) and asked me to get the generic maxi pads from the highest shelf. Without missing a beat, I got in my tip toes, pulled it down and walked on with only a brief nod and quickening of my pace.

Then Friday while going to Mike's I stopped for gas in The Toledo (if you add "The" it makes things edgier). A guy asked me how to get to the mall. I told him, it was very easy to get to from there. Then he say, "yeahhhhh!" and holds up his hand to high-five me. High. Five. Me. I was stunned. So I stuck out my hand like I expected a tip. He slapped it quickly and ran back to the car.

The best story ever though is when my good good friend had to get porn off the top shelf for a disabled guy. It wasn't that he just had to get down Hustler, but the guy was debating on what to get. My friend thinks that the maxi-pad story is the same as the porn story, but I think porn wins. I'm not embarassed to purchase sanitary napkins or anything of the sort. I am embarrassed to buy porn.

Now, I'm just waiting for an old romanian woman to stop me and ask me about lube and which is better because she's diabetic.

What this all means is, if someone asked you to get something weird for them, do it. But afterwards try to high-five them, so they'll be creeped out and never ask again.