Here Blogs the Bride

The Weddin' or Mothman Strikes Again!

This weekend was my sister's wedding in West Virginia. It was a destination wedding. I've never been to WV. We have no family in WV. No reason to go there except for the whim of my sister. My dad has been telling people that they are getting married there because first cousins can't get married in Michigan. Har.

Jay and I drove together. We left Ann Arbor at 2:10 pm on Thursday and started our drive to Charleston. We did a lot of talking. We listened to some music. We ate at the Travel Plazas on the Turnpike. Ohio is one long, boring state. Eventually we crossed the Great Ohio River which is the border between WV and OH. Jay said he never realized that OH and WV touched. I consoled him by saying there was a river in between the states. As we crossed the center of the bridge we saw the big sign for WV that says "West Virginia: Open For Business". Open For Business? That sounds very odd. We laughed. Every county we entered in WV said "Certified Business Location". I pondered the possible legal ramifications of such a certification and wondered what was in a county that did not get certified.

When we crossed the border we stopped at Hardees. When I was very young the closest fast-food restaurant to Brooklyn was Hardee's in Vandercook Lake, which we went to often. Eventually one opened up in Brooklyn. Jay was even employed by this Hardee's. We went there often. The food has changed, and I don't eat meat. But I enjoyed the curly fries. When I was in high school Jay and I got "Junior Acheivement" Cards for $10 or something which had discounts you could use in the area. One discount was a free medium drink with any purchase at Hardee's. Our friends and I would go into Hardee's and buy a biscuit for $0.79 and get a free drink. This happened several times a week. This was life in Brooklyn. So Hardee's went way back.

Also on the way down I got stuck behind two different people at two different locations paying with large quanities of change. I was not happy. BUT at one gas station in Ohio I found a Hostess Pudding Pie! It may be from 1993 (there was no year of expiration) but it was there and I ate it. It was the best 520 calories and 25 grams of fat ever! Now if only they would bring back Pudding Pops. What's with America falling out of love with pudding products?

Anyway, we continued driving through WV and eventually saw a sign indicating we entered the "Polymer Alliance Zone". WV is funny. Eventually we reached Charleston and the hotel. I saw my sister, her friends, my parents, and my exchange student Ray who flew in from Germany. Ray told my parents when he called from the Airport he was in Charleston, SC instead of Charleston, WV. What a hoot!

After we arrived, we went to the bar. We walked downtown which seemed empty but we found two girls who we asked where the bars were. They led us to this one that I forget the name of. Anyway, downstairs they played 90s R&B and rap. And upstairs they had a juke box. Downstairs had $1 mixed drinks and bud light. I bought many drinks for many people. We drank a lot. Jay and Ashley's friend "Becks" were joking around but this very large black woman thought they were making fun of her and so we left. The two girls happened to leave at the same time. I don't know who talked to them but eventually we followed them to another bar called Broadway. We walked in and it was dead. I went to the bathroom and I saw it didn't say men or women, they we unlocked unisex bathrooms. Then I was like "uh oh" and I remember thinking that someone Jay manipulated a group to a gay bar. Though I don't know if he did or not since we were all following the girls. Well I wanted to dance and so I went on the dance floor by myself. I was a little drunk, but not bad. Instantly, shirtless guy with chinchillas under his arms assaulted me and freaked me. Everyone was watching me and it was awkward. We were in mixed company. So I moved away. He followed. I pushed the sweaty old guy with the gopher pits away from me. He went and sat down and sulked. Everyone else danced and it was very fun. We then walked home.

The next morning my sister woke up with a huge hang over. Ray, Jay and I got in my car and drove to Greenville, WV where the wedding was. It was about 2 hours away. We got to Creekside Resort around 2ish. Jay and I went hot tubbing. We hung out. It was nice. Eventually, BC showed up. BC used to go to High School with Jay and I. When Ashley and Nick went to a CMT festival in Nashville 2 years ago they sat in front of this guy from Jackson, who turned out to be BC. I hate BC. Well, not hate, HATE. But he's a tool. Anyway, awkwardness followed. I ignored him. Then went to the Rehearsal.

The Rehearsal was uninteresting and annoying. But ok. Afterwards we ate a very nice meal with everyone who was invited. After it was over there was a hayride. It was annoying because BC wouldn't shut up. BC is also afraid of horses and snakes. Then there was a bonfire. I was exhausted and got to my cabin about 10:30. But I wanted to go hot tubbing again. So Nick and I went hot tubbing. It was weird but we had a good talk. I then went to bed.

I woke up the next morning and went for a walk through the mountain trails. I got a little scared of bears and snakes (a rattler was spotted earlier) so I just stuck to the main roads. Then Jay, Ray and I went to Union, WV for lunch. It was wonderful. We ate at the Moxie Cafe which according to the food network is a great place to meet locals. I had quiche and a house salad, acorn squash and pear soup, and chocolate mousse cake. It was SO good. Jay got lasagna and the best brownie sundae I've ever eaten.

Later was the Weddin'. The groomsmen were supposed to get there early and usher and hand out programs. I was the only one there. So I ended up doing a stand up routine for the guests. I'm like that. I couldn't tell if everyone was annoyed or not, but I was having fun. Eventually the wedding started. Processional. Both my mom and dad escorted Ashley. Blah blah blah. Readings: Prayer of St. Francis of Asissi, Irish Blessing, Apache Wedding Blessing. Blah blah blah. Rings. Blah blah. Vows. Blah. Unity Sand. Unity Sand? Yes. Instead of a candle, they had two jars of sand they poured into a larger jar. However, when they poured it, little horseshoes were burried in Ashley's sand, and little footballs in Nick's sand. Everyone laughed. But they all thought it was me! And it wasn't! Kiss the bride. Blah. Recessional. Oh, and they had a harpist too who played very well.

Pictures. Annoyance.

Then we went back to Ashley's cabin for chamapagne. Nick gave the groomsmen Oakley sunglasses. Ashley gave the bridesmaids earrings. Wait, we did that before the rehearsal. The girls wore the earrings in the wedding. Anyway there was champagne. Then we drove my dad and our family friends matching seabring convertibles to the reception. It was very fun. Then we all walked in. Then we had champagne toast. Nicks brother gave a very nice short toast. Awesome. Food was excellent. Beef. Baked Ziti. Sweet Potatoes. Green Beans. Salad. Rolls. Then we did the dances. Then "AllSkate". Then we had the best chocolate cake. I drank quite a bit but I was never drunk, just fun. I had a good time. I went back about midnight to the cabin and slept.

We woke up at 9am to return. The drive was long. We ate at Hardee's for breakfast just like in days of yore. I had hash rounds, egg-cheese biscuit and a cinnamon raisin biscuit. We laughed at all the weird stuff on the way back. We stopped a few times. At this one exit I stopped to get gas in New Philadelphia, OH. We stopped at this gas station called "Sheetz" which sounded scary. HOWEVER, it was the coolest gas station ever! It had computers by the gas pump to enter food orders to go inside and pick up. All the food items ended in a Z like "Sheetz". For breakfast they had Schmuffins and Schmiscuits. I was laughing so hard. The place had a walk in beer cooler. It was so cool. It was like disco gas station. Not much else happened on the way back. We listened to a book on mp3 by David Rackham (sp?). The book was funny but I would say 5% of the words he used I didn't know. And I think my vocabulary is better than average.

When I stopped in Ann Arbor to drop Jay off, I noticed my brakes were grinding. I had to get new brake pads and rotors today. I think the mountains tore up my brakes. Fortunately that was the only causalty of "Mothman". This weddin' definitely seemed cursed. Here is a rundown of things that happened:

> Bridesmaid had a hernia and had surgery two weeks before
> Family friend broke hip and was on crutches
> Jay's dad ripped his bicept and had to have surgery to reattach it and couldn't go
> My Aunt and Uncle's brakes went out on the way and had to get them fixed
> One of the guest's luggage was lost when flying to charleston
> One guest forgot his shoes
> My parent's van got a flat tire there
> My brakes went out

I blamed these events on Mothman. Most people there never heard of Mothman which I found surprising. I wish there was a Mothman sighting.

So there were lots of obstacles but everything turned out well. Overall it was a nice weekend. It was nice to go, but I'm glad that I'm home now.

My sister and her husband left for London today and then they were off to Spain.