Desparate Concubines

[Deep in the jungles of Michigan]

PORTIA: What are we doing here?
RYAN: Looking for the magical Sword of Antioch.
PORTIA: I won't do it.
RYAN: You know you have to. You are bound to me by the Curse of the Concubines. Until the women folk are freed around the world, you are under my control.
PORTIA: Fine!
RYAN: What's that over there?
PORTIA: A pyramid?
RYAN: Next to the pyramid.
PORTIA: The littler pyramid?
RYAN: In front of that. Is that a Statue of Jeff Gordon?
PORTIA: Destroy it! Destroy that pansy!
RYAN: Use your x-ray vision to look inside of it.
PORTIA: It's a person. It better not be Gordon. He's going down.
RYAN: I'll open it. I brought the Holy Crow Bar of New Jersey. [Cracks open Statue]
PORTIA & RYAN: Gasp!
PORTIA: It's Molly the Ringwald!
MOLLY: Urgle.
RYAN: Quick remove the oil can from her mouth!
MOLLY: Thanks. I was put her by the NASCAR gang. Jeff himself told me he had to hide the Concubines before you found us.
RYAN: Why? Why would Nascar care?
MOLLY: Because of the Cryptic Prophecy of Enigma: Nascar sux and is the cause of the worlds problems, but fear not, 4 they will B stopped by Ryan and the 4 Chosen Concubines and their supernatural powers.
PORTIA: That's not very crypic.
RYAN: Yet the plot thickens. There is more to this than hot woman-on-woman action.