Dissolved Reflection

The world seems softer, gentler today and I am rough and stiff. Sometimes I get thoughts or images in my head, as if I just figured out a great mystery, but they hang and linger like a word on the tip of your tongue that eventually dissolves. Instead of forgetting, I remember and so it lingers longer than it probably should. In a flash I catch a glimpse of God or fate or everything in between and then I shake my head and wake as if it was a dream, but I know it was more than that. I sit here patiently waiting for my epiphany, the moment where everything comes together in one harmonious chord, but I never hear it and I rest long hours in silences. Occasionally, they are broken by a heavy breath or the flutter of eyelids. When I listen more closely I realize that my world is never completely quiet. The hum of background noise that I have forgotten about or never noticed pervades into my head. The gentle buzz of electronics that I can never escape pervades and creates chaos in my mind. I beg for a true silence that I have never experienced and won't experience until death. Then I think that maybe the ambient noise and energy means something more; I am never truly alone. But the thought fades or is interrupted and dissolves as quickly as it formed in my mind. I move on through daily activities with rememberance of a reflection that lasted for a second but penetrated me as if it was an eternity.