Thought Processes

Day 35 – February 4, 2010

Thought Processes

I feel people like people are judging me all the time for not having a job. I know that's not exactly true, and mostly I am the one who is assuming that people are judging me, whether they are or not. The fact is that people are much nicer than I give them credit for. In reality, people could come up to me and say get off your fat butt and do something. They don't criticize me or a yell at me or even inquire too much and for that I am grateful. I can be a little blunt sometimes and I would probably cross the line.

I guess I am writing this because the Total Wellness plan has been a mental struggle for me. Not that many travails are in essence psychological at their cores. However, I think it may be hard for others to see just how mental this journey has been for me and how my mind works. Sometimes it's actually difficult for me to see clearly.

This is the through process that I had to write down on paper to understand what was going on in my head.

ISSUE: I don't want to apply for jobs because I'm “scared” to send my resume
A.What Am I Afraid of?
I.I will get yelled at and/or made fun of for getting fired
II.I am scared that I will get a bad job and I will get stuck
B.Getting Yelled At/Made Fun Of
I.Worst Case Scenario: I wont get called for a job.
II.Employers don't call and lecture strangers about getting fired because employers:
a.are too busy
b.aren't that mean generally
c.may have been fired themselves and are sympathetic
III.If an employ calls for an interview, he/she wants to find a suitable candidate for employment, not waste time bringing someone in to yell at them
IV.If at an interview an employer asks about my previous employment, it's to find out if I'm a suitable candidate or not, not to yell at me.
V.In conclusion, I may not get hired but it's extremely unlike I would get yelled at
C.I will get stuck at a bad job
I.Worst Case Scenario: I will get fired or I will quit
II.If the job is horrible, I can always quit.
III.I can also spend time looking for another job.
IV.If the employer hears I'm looking for another job, they could fire me, which would just speed up the process.
V.I might get depressed again but I have a lot more knowledge and experience. If I starte to get depressed I know the signs and I can take measures to stop my depression and anxiety.
VI.I am in control of what I want to do with my life.
D.Sending Resume v. Not Sending Resume
I.Sending Resume
a.Best Case Scenario: I will get a job that I love
b.Worst Case Scenario: I won't get hired for a job
II.Not Sending Resume
a.Best Case Scenario: I won't get hired for a job
b.Worst Case Scenario: I won't get hired for a job

I sent out 10 resumes. I don't know if I'll hear anything, but it's a good step. I'm on my way to getting a job and to completing this cycle in my life. It's been a long and interesting struggle. However, there is a lot that I've learned and taken away from it. And I guess that's the important part in the end.