You're not helping!

So, I decided that I need medication for anxiety.

I've never been on medication before, but I am incredibly stressed right now. Lately I've had panic attacks every night before bed. I've also just felt generally stressed.

I went to make an appointment with a doctor at school. They said I would have to see their psychiatrist and go to counselling. I couldn't see the psychiatrist for another month. This is why I've been dreading going to the doctor to get medicine. I told the lady I went to see a counsellor and they didn't seem concerned. I also told her that a month was unreasonable. She said that if I didn't make an appointment now, then it might be a 6-8 week wait later. That is completely unacceptable. If a person was ill, you wouldn't make them wait that long. "I'm sorry our oncologist is backed up, it will be 6-8 weeks to diagnose and treat your cancer. Have a nice day." So why is mental illness, anxiety disorder, or any other problem affecting the brain chemistry any different? It's unacceptable. I told her so. I also don't know what the psychologist would do if I even saw him or her. She might tell me to buck up and take it like a man. I don't know.

I don't mind going to a counsellor, but I don't want to. First, I've seen a counsellor, I told her I wanted to see her because of stress. She thought my whole problem was because I don't have a boyfriend. Umm...maybe it's because I'm fucking stressed and I don't want to put up with a boyfriend. It seemed like the reverse. It seems like it would normally play out like this:
"I'm sad"
"Why are you sad?"
"I don't have a boyfriend."
"Why don't you have a boyfriend?"
"Because I'm ugly."
"You're not ugly. And even if you're ugly you can still get a boyfriend. Look at Ugly Betty, she has a boyfriend. She even has a Golden Globe."
"Well, that's a TV show."
"Still if Ugly Betty has a boyfriend and you don't, you must be fucked up. Why are you fucked up?"
"Only because I'm so stressed out because my life fucking sucks."
"Why does your life suck?"
"Because everyone in my family is sick and I'm sick and I'm in law school and I'm worried I'm a burgeoning alcoholic and all my friends hate me."
"Is that it?"
"Yes."
"Well, you sound very stressed and anxious."
"I am anxious. I have panic attacks every day."
"Oh. You need shoes."
"I need fucking Xanax."
"Well, I can't prescribe that because I'm only a counsellor and I only have a Masters Degree."
"I'm outtie."
"Did you just say outtie?"
"Yes."
"Cool beans."

Ok, so I didn't really think it would go like that, but it was making me laugh. Anyway, I'd go to a counsellor, but the last one was not concerned with my stress issues and was more concerned that I didn't have a boyfriend. And for some reason she thought a 46 year old married guy that I blow regularly is not considered a "boyfriend". Maybe if I'm less stressed and can chill out a little bit, that would happen. Until then I want an SSRI, an MAOI, and other things with fun acronyms.

Anyway, I made an appointment with my family doctor, who knows what all my family members are on, who knows my entire family has anxiety disorder and how all of us have the weirdest medical problems.