Guess who just got a Jimmy John's within walking distance from the school? Jealous much?
But it's not like I'm going to walk since it's fa-reeezing. I think the fluid in my eyes started to freeze the other day.
I'm procrastinating studying for family law. Argh. Why do families need law???
So I talked to my mom today and she's mad because the ACLU is bringing a case saying that a Christmas Tree should be called a Holiday Tree. I don't know what the case actually is or anything. Honestly, I don't care what they call it. I'll always call it a christmas tree because that's what it is. But if people have a problem with that, let them try and bring it before the conservative Supreme Court and flinch as Scalia smacks them with his long poking stick that he often uses for cases like this. Actually, he doesn't have a stick, but wouldn't it be funny. Anyway, my mom and dad hate the ACLU. They think they are evil and only bring stupid cases. I think they try to protect fundamental freedoms of everyone. I wonder what they'll think when I get a job with the ACLU. They may cry. At Christmas I'm going to show them I'm a card carrying member of the ACLU. I carry it with me in case I'm thrown in jail wrongfully and need to bring a racial profiling suit or something. Because as a white male I'm often racially profiled and thrown in jail. But that's the life of the oppressed.
Dear Readers: Did you know I'm a white male? That I'm 27? That I weigh 450 lbs.? That I have no face like Breathless Mahoney in the Dick Tracey movie? That I star in Fox's hit television series "The O.C."? I bet you thought I was 7 year old girl, but I'm not. I'm so much more.
There are not many things that I can freak my parents out with at Christmas anymore. I'm used all my options. Oh, maybe I should bring a Drag Queen to Christmas!
So the Colleague and her Consort are considering Marriage. That's right. They are contemplating getting married and having lots of babies. Actually, the other day I walked in on the Colleague and her Consort having sex in one of the study rooms in the library. The lights were on and all their stuff was there but they were under the table. Actually, they said they were "building a fort" and then "napping". Scarily, I believe them. Anyway, if you see the Colleague and the Consort, ask them lots of questions about marriage. It makes the Consort twitch. And sweat.
Off to study family law. I tell people I'm taking the family law final and everyone is just like "That's so easy. Just say 'It's the best interest for the child' har har". Lawyers and law students can be very unfunny. According to an independent poll of just one person, the Consort says that he is the funniest person in school and I'm second. I'll take second. I think my humor just goes over his head, but whatever. I'll give him number one, because that's the power of Jesus. Anyway, we were thinking the other day there are a lot of unfunny people at school. Most people have a good sense of humor but most are unfunny. Maybe we need a "Humor for Lawyers" workshop. Maybe.
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5 comments:
I think the ACLU has an unfair reputation. They are demonized because they protect people's rights. When it's a case that might be considered "conservative", no one speaks of it. If it's labeled "liberal", then people get all crazy and foam at the mouth over them. It's not fair.
Furthermore, I'm so sick of the "I'm persecuted because I'm Christian". Just about every position of power in this country is held by a Christian and the extremist Christian right has disproportinate power. I don't know about this case in particular, but in general I think these "Save Christmas!!" frenzies are started by people who want to profit off of it.
On a side note, these are my opinions, but none of this is meant as a slam against your folks. I love your folks - they rock :)
Ryan, I'm right with you on the "Christmas Tree" is a "Christmas Tree" because it is. There aren't any other holidays that use the tree as it's symbol. But saying Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays is perfectly fine, because there are other holidays than Christmas. Christmas isn't really Christian anymore, I think as many Jews and atheists celebrate Christmas as don't... it's just a time to be with family and get presents. Although, I'd totally be Jewish to get some of those extra holiday days.
Yay for pagan holidays co-opted by conquering religions!
That's what I'm going to say instead of "Merry Christmas" is "Merry Winter Solstice because Christ was born in July."
Just for that you are TOTALLY required to buy me a present for my second and third marraiges.
The Colleague
I think the ACLU has an unfair reputation too. I'm tired of the Persecuted Christians too. Christmas is fine. I hate the fact that everyone thinks that you need to force christmas on everyone. If you want to have it, fine. Set up a tree, go to chuch, set up a Haunakha bush, set up a nativity, whatever you want to do, but the government should be impartial and play no part. It's only fair.
I didn't think it was a slam. My parents are just weird and a little too conservative sometimes.
Yeah, it's a Christmas Tree. Yeah, and Christmas is pretty secular now.
I just think people should mind their own business, and the goverment shouldn't waste money on holiday decorations anyway.
That's why people turn to Festivus so they don't get caught in the middle.
You know my rule. No gifts for subsequent marriages, ever. It's not possible to change.
One of my students metioned that Christmas Tree vs Holiday Tree thing and I thought he was lying. So I told him to stop making up stories and made him write "Je suis un menteur" 100 times on the board. I guess I'll have to apologize to him now.
Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! Whew, that was a good one. I'm the third funniest person!
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